Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
