Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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