SEEEEXXX PLEASE
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
