I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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