It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
