Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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