We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
