If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
