On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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