I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize