I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
