Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
