just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize