he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
