a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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