he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
