I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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