I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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