Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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