you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
