Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
