I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
