Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
