You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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