He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
