fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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