if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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