I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
