I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
