where does the pee come out of this thing
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
