Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
