Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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