Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
