So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
