I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
