I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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