Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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