kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
