I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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