i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
