If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize