she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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