now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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