all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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