I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
