I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
