I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
