Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
