I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
