The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
