Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
