Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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