I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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