Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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