Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You were trust falling into bushes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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