Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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