And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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