I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
