he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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