god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm jealous of your bromance
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You ruined the universe
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
