He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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