I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
