oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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