Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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