so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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