And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
