my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
