These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
