and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
