He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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