You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
