Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
