someone get that fucking seahorse.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
