Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
