The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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