I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
