I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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