Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
