so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
stop calling my apartment porn island.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
