we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
