Pappa wants mamma naked
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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