i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
