My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
