just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
