I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
