Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
