True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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