Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
