Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
