we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
