The maid of honor just puked.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
