Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize