Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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